i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
