tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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