I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I stole a fireplace last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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