The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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