Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
