We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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