just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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