The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize