so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
