This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need water and some morals
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
