it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just made the most “single life†Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
