4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
