I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm getting married
To pizza
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
