My liver just broke up with me...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
