thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm both gender and math confused
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
