u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
