It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
