somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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