similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
