Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
