There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
