i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
