She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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