:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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