You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
