i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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