Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
