New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
