Porn is love you can see.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
