So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina is officially offended.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
