in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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