im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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