I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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