There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
