just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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