Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
