Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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