It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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