just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
