someone threw a dead crab at me
i think my tv is drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
