I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize