I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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