why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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