Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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