Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
