Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
