At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
