The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
