I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
