i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
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It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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