Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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