:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
