mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
