I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
