Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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