I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
