You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
