When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
